Is it possible to find balance?

This article was originally published on Funsize Enterprise. www.funsizeenterprise.com

Yes. Yes, it is. And here is the secret. You need to define what balance means to you and your family. We spend our days thinking that we are out of balance. Do you ever stop to think what balance means to you? Picture what a balanced life would look like? Do you ever question society expectations of you? When was the last time you paused and considered what balance means to you and your family?

Could you let go of all of the ideas that you have around what is expected of you. This could be from your neighbour, parents, partner, your internal chatter, the community you live in or even what you see on social media? The expectations of you as a woman, man, mother, father, daughter, son, business owner, employee – all the roles of your life. What if you could write your own job description? Determine your own objectives. Performance indicators. Outcomes. What would this look like? What would it feel like?

When you think about this, are the excuses creeping in? Saying you can’t change things because there are some things you ‘need’ to do, or what would ‘society’ think if you did things a little differently. Here is the thing – we live in a big world that at this time like no other – we have the opportunity to rethink the rules of our life. We can learn from other cultures and adapt what we think might work for us. The way that we raise children, earn money – the rules are evolving. For those who are willing to write their own ‘job description’ and set their own rules, they are finding balance. More importantly they are defining their own balance.

I understand that there are the day-to-day tasks that need to be completed. You need to feed your child, change them, educate them. You need to support your partner. You may even need to look after elderly parents. You may have a boss you need to answer to, or clients, or staff. If you are not finding fulfillment in these areas, then you need to address that. You do have the power to change your situation.

Here are some tips from When Business Meets Baby that may help you to define and achieve balance in your life:

• Rethink the expectation of being a parent
• Let go of trying to be a perfect parent
• Understand what or who your priorities are to be able achieve balance
• Ensure that you put yourself in a position where you have flexibility and choice. This gives you better control on the outcomes
• Learn to go with the flow be relaxed and present
• Give yourself permission to live in the moment
• Measure, track and review how you use your time
• Change your perspective on life – walk a new path often
• Find or create your support community (village) and give help to others without being asked
• Stay inspired everyday

You can choose, today, to make a change. To walk a new path. To create the rules in your life that will lead you to feeling balanced. Balance isn’t something that will just happen, nor is it something that you will feel always. There will be times where you will not have balance, and that is normal. What is not normal is to be living everyday struggling to tick of the to-do list, not seeing an end in sight. To be neglecting ourselves, our partners and our children in the pursuit of getting ‘stuff done’.

Take a breath and make the changes you need to find your own version of balance in your life.

Getting back into business after a baby

This article originally published on The Business Women Media: http://www.thebusinesswomanmedia.com/

You have a beautiful baby who you love above anything else. You have taken time for your body to heal and you have fully stepped into your new identity as mother. Now your business is calling you back. Needing you, wanting you to invest. You want the intellectual stimulation that your business gives you, your head says it still wants to be with your baby. How do you get back into business after a baby.

You need to find balance between providing for your business and your baby. More importantly you need to be able to disconnect from your ‘mother’ role and focus on your business. You also then need to be able to disconnect from business owner and step back into being mother. Constantly switching roles and being present in both.

Many women have and continue to switch between both roles successfully. Here is one big tip to help you: To be effective in your business you need dedicated space and time.

Dedicated space

This is not your lounge room or dining room table or a corner of the spare room. You need a space that is for your business, that you can set-up your computer and organise your ‘work’. A place that you can invite people into to talk business. A space that you can make uniquely yours. Where you feel motivated to work.

This space could be a ‘study’ inside the house, or a converted shed or garage. You may choose to rent an office or space in a business centre or co-working space. Sometimes having space away from home means your business is taken a little more seriously. Although having a space at home can be useful if your baby is still little.

Importantly you need to make sure that this space is respected by your family. That when you are working, you are not interrupted. That your work is respected, and the space doesn’t become an extension to a playroom.

Dedicated time

Here is the choice – you can spend hours juggling between your laptop and your baby – trying to meet the needs of both at the same time. Not able to get your head into work and starting to get angry at your child for taking you away from your work. Or you can invest in some childcare and get productive time in your business. The options are endless – childcare centres, family day care, in house babysitters or nannies, relatives or even swapping with friends. Some co-working spaces also offer childcare.

If you know that every week you will have so many hours that you can dedicate totally to your business, then you can schedule time to do the work. You can work through daily task lists more efficiently. People start to learn when they can, or can’t contact you. You become efficient with how you use your time and your business grows
.

Building a Community for Support

Support that thing you think you have until you need. People think you don’t need support because they see that you are getting on and getting the job done! Such a vicious cycle.

One thing my partner said when we found out we were pregnant was that it was going to be super hard as we did not have much family close by. There was my brother who was fabulous in the early days but that was all. At the time my stubborn self went ‘we can do it. It is just a baby’. In reality I should have taken his words and looked for my support community.

I did find some support in a women business network I was part of in Ballarat, but it was short lived. I have also found good support in a national networking group for mums. These have accepted I am a mum and allowed me to bring my daughter if needed. But they didn’t help when the pressure cooker was on and I needed hands on help with baby or home. That I have had to either work through or pay someone.

Recently I was ill and we couldn’t find a babysitter and we missed out on a business opportunity. I let people down and it didn’t sit well with me – in fact I was angry. What I realised was that I had to create a ‘community’ that I could call on to help me out when needed, and that I could help them also. I put a call out on social media and yes I got an amazing response…I had my community. People I was not afraid to ask for help from.

It is interesting that in Western society’s we believe we have to do it all alone, to be super parent, super business person, domestic god – no support, no asking for help. Yet in Eastern societies children are brought up by a village. Interesting thought…..

I am not a person to ask for help. And I usually wait until I crash and burn prior to seeking help. Each time I have crashed and burned since the business met the baby, I have reached out and asked for help or more specifically I have paid someone. At first it was staff to try and pick up my workload, then it was a babysitter to enable me to have dedicated time to work, then childcare, then a cleaner, then it was reducing my workload altogether and defining and focusing on core business.

Focusing on core business – and defining what it was that I wanted to achieve for me was the key to gaining clarity for both myself and the business. To start thinking in the way that if I was giving my time away to someone, especially if they did not appreciate that time, and it was not core business, that I would rather give that time to my family. To be clear about what I wanted to achieve in the business. When it came to meeting commitments in the business that were about achieving the goals then I needed to call on my support community.

While my support community 4 years ago would have been very different to the one that I have created today, I still would have reached out and asked for help or at least accepted the help when people offered it. I read in the books that if you were to visit a new mother/family then the best thing you could do was help with the housework, washing, cooking or not stay for too long. And it is so true. The best visitors I had after Sophie was born was one who brought 4 meals worth of soup, packed individually and ready to freeze and one who put her family on a time limit of 20 minutes.

I also realised that just because I to 4 months to catch up with someone – was probably the next best thing I could do other than cooking a meal or 2 for them!

If you don’t have a reliable support network around you then you need to create one. If you are to continue to run a business and meet the needs of that, then there will be times that circumstances fall out of your control and you need the extra little bit of support.

How do you get support? Or do you not reach out and ask for it?

Getting a break

When I used to tell people that my business partner was also my life partner I was met with ‘wow I could never work with my partner’ I didn’t really think that much about it – we have a set of skills that are very complimentary to each other and we are also both able to switch off after work. Pre-baby we both also had ‘interests’ outside of our business and relationship.

We have never really been ‘child-free’ either. With Craig I acquired a 10 year old step-son who was week on and off rotation between his mum and dad prior to living with us full-time for 3 years. Circumstances saw him leave us when I was about 3 months pregnant. From this I knew what sort of father Craig was and also to some degree the type of ‘parent’ I could be. I had certainly learn’t that when I opened my mouth to discipline that it was most likely my mother’s voice coming out – so I have already dealt with that shock!

So when baby comes along I am in a very fortunate position that my ‘life and business’ partner understands the pressure on both a domestic and a business level – he is also living in that pressure. Our biggest ‘arguments’ we have ever had have come from within that pressure.

‘They’ tell you to take time for yourself and also your partner. Our time together was spent juggling a baby so that work commitments could be met, ensuring the domestic world happened and then catching up on sleep – as interrupted as it always has been.

I had and still have separation issues with my daughter – she has been caught wailing at the back door because I have gone to the office (30sec walk away); screamed when I left the house for the first time to get a massage (45mins); she will only be sorted overnight by me. It has only been this year when she was 4 that I have been allowed out at night for work or to socialise. We are yet to spend a full night apart.

For me I got a break from Sophie when she was with a babysitter or at childcare so I could work. I soon updated this to allow myself time to get my hair or nails done or to have a massage – which are all treats to myself. I am also known to use ‘work-time’ to catch up on cleaning, washing or cooking. Because I am self-employed and I am able to do that.

Craig and I have also been known to have a ‘working lunch’ together or sneak to the movies while she is at childcare to get some ‘us’ time. When you lack free babysitting this is what you do.

When you live together – work together – business and home are the same place – and you are parenting together – time is so precious that it is hard to spend time with each other and also yourself to nurture those loves.

In the last month Craig has gone back to full time work – this has meant big changes for both of us – and less time we actually see each other. He rings every lunchtime for an update.

The important thing to do is to try and pre-empt any issues and make changes to the routines so that you can spend time together.

How have you managed to get a break? Your tips from escaping domestic duty, 'wife/husband, mum/dad, business duties?

Plugging Back Into The Real World

There will come a time after you have introduced a baby into your life where you will HAVE to plug back into the ‘real world’ beyond other parents. Impossible as this thought is when you are in the state of feeding, changing nappies, surviving and giving the best start your precious bundle. You will be bombarded with appointments with maternal health nurses, joined up to a ‘mothers group’ and supported/compared/charted like you have never been in this new judgmental world of being a mother.

There will be a time when you will welcome the change of focus to business, where the centre of every conversation is not your baby, its feeding and pooing habits or your post birth recovery!

But it won’t be easy – it will be hard to stay focused on conversations, your foggy-sleep deprived head won’t be able to take too much, you will be constantly thinking of your cherub and if you are still feeding then your boobs are going to be crying out for release!

There may be times when you can take your bundle with you – and you will find that you will start being attracted to the networking and people who are accepting of you having a ‘baby attachment’ and those who are not supportive won’t be in your life for very long (unless they are paying you $$).

While this sounds easy to have your bundle with you – it has its own challenges……

The biggest is that you can not control the mood they will be in and therefore how easy they will be. Other people will either hate that you have a baby/child with you, tolerate it or totally steal them (I had it happen in a board meeting, it was awesome!)

As they move through age brackets it gets both easier and harder. You learn to take paper and pencils, colouring in books and off course tablets!

As your bundle of joy gets older you will start to look for caregivers – grandparents (if you are lucky), baby sitters, family day care or child care centres. Yet there is always the things that you just can’t plan for like last minute changes of plans in your business, illness and public holidays to name a few.

As your child/ren get older you also need to work around school holidays, pupil free days, 3.30(ish) pick-ups plus being involved in their school – attending assemblies, sports days and so on. The juggle doesn’t stop. Yet at some point it has to get easier.

At this time, like no other in history, women are encouraged to plug back into work and their community. Infact the pressure to do so is probably also the greatest that it has ever been. Women are leaving the traditional workforce in droves after they have children and creating micro and small business – some that are growing into International exporters – right from their lounge room! They are creating social business that aim to make a difference in their area of expertise. Women are driving the boom of small business.

The flipside of this is that we are seeing less women taking on board positions or senior management roles but more women are starting small home based businesses.

It is an incredible time for women at the moment, they are seeking empowerment to make decisions and to put their families first – and if the traditional workplace is not allowing for that they are creating an environment that is supportive of that.

My wants and desires for both myself and my business totally changed after the birth of my daughter – shame it has taken me almost 4 years to totally understand and recreate that phenomenon.

What about you - what is your story about returning to the real world? Any tips? 

Growing Your Business With Baby

Anyone in business will tell you that without business development you will not have business growth – this means that you are less likely to meet budget, have a profit or survive. It is a scary thought.

Visionary is my first born – I have now seen it through acquisitions, mergers, expansion, restriction, addition of services and subtraction of services. It still remains what I always wanted – to provide me with enough work so I do not have to be ‘employed’ and to fund a lifestyle that I want.

It used to take all my time – I would work at least 14 hours a day – stopping for dinner and then picking up my laptop. No stress. I had nothing or no-one to stop me. Well had no-one…..

A baby kind of demands your time – you need to provide everything for it – it certainly gets easier as they talk, walk and become more independent – but that takes years. A child is something you do for the long haul – much like a business really.

I had to find the balance between providing for both my baby and my business. I also had to find the balance that would also not cause me to take additional pressure at a time where my hormones were all over the place and I was sleep deprived.

Changes that I have made in the last 4.5 years, mainly reducing services and focusing the business, probably doesn’t look like I have been developing the business – and yet in reality it is now poised more than ever to be flexible enough not to consume so much of my precious time.

I have learnt that if I am going to ‘giveaway’ my time to people then I am going to give it to my family – unless there is something in it for me.  Sounds selfish but taking time from your family to give to someone else is selfish.

What I missed along this path was to make quick decisions that are true to me – what I lacked was a true understanding of me and what my new identity was. I am certainly not the first person to ever have a baby while I am running a business and I won’t be the last. My learnings are not ground breaking – many of you will be nodding your head in agreeance – however we don’t talk about it – no-one told me to do this I learn’t along my business and baby development cycle!

Sadly there are times when due to work commitments and the need to develop your business and

deliver for clients that you miss the firsts. I missed her first solo ‘step’ – her aunt saw that. I also missed her first snowfall. I was sitting working in the office when we noticed it starting to snow (I was actually on the phone to a colleague at the time who was in Qld) I had this urge to go to Sophie’s childcare and to be there with her while it snowed. When I did pick her up later in the day there were pictures and great stories of dancing in the snow – but I missed that. I have shared many firsts with her though and for that I am blessed – corporate world would have prevented me from sharing those.

What are your tips to managing business growth and being there for the milestones? Please share below

Juggling Domestic Harmony and Business Growth

Life is a juggle. The older you get, the more responsibilities you acquire, the more you need to juggle.

At highschool it was juggling friendships and school work. At Uni it was juggling uni work, paid work and if you were not lucky enough to live with your parents (I was) then you also had to juggle looking after your own place or be part of a share house (and all the joys that go with that). Then there was real grown work and climbing the career ladder, possibly a boy/girl-friend, maybe further study, sport and creating a life balance. Some travel (or a decent amount in my case), followed by a mortgage, starting a business, wedding (or not), babies – and then you really truly understand the juggle – you get why the previous 35 years you thought you were busy and challenged, but this was the biggest challenge yet – creating and maintaining domestic harmony and business growth!

Domestic harmony – being a domestic goddess – basically having a clean house, food on the table, full cupboards and the washing done –sounds simple hey….cough, splutter. Add to that children – or in my case 1 active, spirited, somewhat needy girl. As you tidy you look behind you and she is tearing the house apart. You clean one room only to walk into another and find a cleverly constructed creative project out of ripped up tissues and boxes. Or the latest artwork on the wall or carpet, made from that forgotten sharpie texta that she has discovered! The stories go on. That witching hour that gets better as they get older, but usually starts around the time you should be cooking dinner. The washing basket that seems to magically fill itself up only minutes after you thought you were on top of the washing. The endless folding and putting away. The effort to get to the supermarket and do it with child/ren in tow. Add into that mix the ‘business growth’ bit and you have the perfect recipe for a pressure cooker explosion!

That is unless you do a bit of planning and a bit of outsourcing. There are so many tips about how you can do all of this and you need to see what works for you. What I have learnt that has worked for me is the following:

Clean House

·       Don’t let the mess get on top of you – everything should have its place and everything in its place

·       Tidy like a ninja! Get a washing basket and a plastic bag. Go to a room, do not leave that room until it is tidy. Things go away, or in the basket if they belong in a different room or in the rubbish bag. Simple. I saw this on Pinterest and it works for me. I start in the lounge (where most of the mess congregates) and work around the house leaving my daughters room until last (where most of the things in the basket end up).

·       Clean a room/section of your house a day. I have a fairly small house (in todays terms) and I have divided it into 5 equal parts and I tackle a section a day. I tody the night before and then clean in the morning. I leave the big sections to the days that I am not rushing to kinder/work. Oh and I use beautiful toxin free cleaning products from Natures Direct!

·       Hire a cleaner – it could be the best $50 you spend.

·       Make it smell nice – I use Scentsy.

Food on the table

·       Cook multiple meals at once – I have 2 cooking days a week and cook at least 2 meals

·       Double the quantities – that is simple enough – then you freeze a batch for another meal or eat for lunch the next day

·       Create an ‘anything goes’ night. Ours is Friday. All the rules go out the door. We eat in the lounge. We eat whatever (usually snacky time food from the freezer). Have dessert first. No set bedtime (she is usually crawling in about 8pm anyway) and no set bedtime routine. It is rule free, relaxed and we all look forward to chilling out after a big week.

Full Cupboards

·       Use online shopping – really why are you not doing this? I shop with Woolworths and do a bulk shop with Grocery Run every 6-8 weeks. No dragging kids to the supermarket.

·       Buy fresh – we enjoy attending farmers markets and have also found a local fruit & vegie shop that is great (aka cheap) prices. You have to hand pick their goods, but it is worth it to save $.

·       Buy in bulk – where you can buy bulk. There are bulk places that you can visit to stock up on canned goods and other dry goods. Plus markets and other online shops will sell in bulk other goods. Big W also sells bulk for cheap on things you will use every day like toilet paper.

Washing

·       Buy a bigger washing machine – for every child you have upgrade to the next size. The more you can fit in a load the happier you will be.

·       Buy a bigger basket – or one that divides lights and darks. I have only recently done this and love it – the washing basked doesn’t look like it is growing clothes.

·       Don’t iron – really – my nan used to iron everything from sheets to nickers. My mum ironed a little less – I iron nothing! My partner has clothes that need ironing, he does that.

·       Move clothes quickly through the cycle. This will help with the above point. If clothes come out of the washing machine and are hung out to dry and then folded (not piled up) it will keep them in better condition.

·       Have a space for indoor drying (I have hung racks on my laundry wall because I hate my house looking like a Chinese laundry) and buy a clothes line that has a cover on it – this will stop UV damage in summer and will enable you to air dry clothes in winter and they won’t end up wetter than when you put them out.

·       Look on Pinterest/Google/blogs for tip son setting up your laundry and washing systems if you have many people in your house.

·       If all else fails buy more clothes.

The last tip to becoming a domestic goddess is create a ‘control centre’ – look it up on Pinterest – this is essentially where all the comings and goings of your house go. I use mine to plan meals, create shopping lists, the family calendar, store the house money, vouchers, craft ideas and all the bits of paper that would normally go on a fridge! You can add whatever you need to this area, and it helps keep everyone in control and informed of what is happening.

So if you have your house in control, and with a little bit of planning there is no reason that you shouldn’t, then you can get down to the business of growing and developing your business, working around all the family commitments that you have.

What are your tips for keeping domestic harmony? Share below